In honor of the recent Freebird thread on AMS see #1.
Top 10 things NOT to do when out listening to live music
10) Forget to tip the bartender.
9) Buy more than one round of drinks for the band. OK big spender, its a nice gesture, but if the band gets too drunk they probably won't sound too good.
8) During set breaks make a member of the band wait in line for the bathroom.
7) Ignore the opener. Sometimes the opener is worth the price of admission all by themselves, I've discovered some great bands by showing up early and listening to the opener.
6) show up late and whine about a show being sold out. (See number 7)
5) Keep requesting a song over and over when the band has made clear they either don't want to play it or can't remember how to play it. Does anyone really think this method works?
4) Stand in the front and engage in long drawn out conversations. Hey, the people in the front came to hear the band, if you came to talk, go stand somewhere else. Of course, a number of people in the back came to hear the band too...if you want to talk, what exactly are you doing there?
3) disrespect your neighbor. Not just talking during the show, but pushing, becoming drunkenly belligerent, addressing them as "Loser, why aren't you dancing", etc.
2) Complain about the cover charge. $10 to see a couple of hours of live music is not unreasonable... so quit yer bitchin'
1) Request Freebird. Why do people (still) think this is funny?
Sunday, May 25, 2003
So at the Skylighters show at Iota, the original groupiegirls realized there were a handful of people that usually are at a Last Train Home show or two that happen at Iota every two months. While I've heard boy jocks on their cell phones lamenting that their "groupie" status is doomed as they have not made it to Iota before a night sells out or one girl to another in the bathroom line talking about the band being like her "band", very few of these people are really "scene groupies", so I am impressed that they made it on a Thursday to the Skylighter ticket, people can surprise you goodly sometimes.
So what are these fair weather music fans to be called?
THE NAMES: TRAINEES v. HOMERS
Tell me what you think by clicking into the "Shout Out" or contact me directly by putting either "trainee" or "homer" in the subject line and I promise I will not use your email for anything else, I will forget it if you want me to.
I realize both of these monikers are horrible, that's why I like them.
So what are these fair weather music fans to be called?
THE NAMES: TRAINEES v. HOMERS
Tell me what you think by clicking into the "Shout Out" or contact me directly by putting either "trainee" or "homer" in the subject line and I promise I will not use your email for anything else, I will forget it if you want me to.
I realize both of these monikers are horrible, that's why I like them.
Friday, February 07, 2003
Top 10 ways to get US to like your band
10) Free stuff is nice. Like stickers, matchbooks, or lighters, nothing big. It shows you care. Like Cale quoting Warhol in "Songs For Drella", "give people little things, so they'll remember you".
9) Kidding around with the others on stage is great. Picking on obvious, funny character traits that the audience knows about your lead guitar player is good. Bad is still shooting dagger-eyes at a bandmate half an hour into your set because they did not call to say they were running late to the gig, having a visible hissy fit in the middle of a song because of the way someone is playing, or engaging in any other infantile, negative emotional meltdown. As a member of the audience, if I wanted to see cut-throat, moronic, unprofessional behavior, I would have stayed at work. Because I have an unmusical, not artistic, 9 to 5 [insert: government / corporate / not-for-profit] day job, I go to shows to live vicariously through you. Though my rational side knows you probably work a day job too, when I see cracks in the "I'm a rockstar and I love my life" illusion, it makes we squirm in agony, which is a real buzz kill.
8) You can start a list serve for free, do it! Bring a e-mailing list sign up to every show. This is a simple, simple, simple, thing. There are websites and books out there to help your silly indie ass start up things like this, use them. Generally bands I know that started this when the internet was a baby (and even as far back as when when your only option was bulk mail permits) have pretty decent fan bases. Even Cowlick Lucy, a band that doesn't have a mastered CD for sale, has a mailing list of about 180 people. Event planners use a ratio that about 10% of a list of 'cold call' (not your mom or college roommate) invites will come to a non RSVP event. So if you've got a list of 200 people, that boils down to 20 people, plus you mom. It won't get you in the 930 club, but it will probably be enough to at least get your foot in the door someplace.
7) This is touchy, after making sure that you include all the pertinent information, (addresses, phone numbers, show times, driving directions, public trans directions, parking directions) in addition to all this, your list serve has to be funny. And you have to figure out what this means to you. Another 'For Instance', I miss Arblemarble's list serve, for every show the service that was sent out was written like a corporate document. Sometimes the document was written in quality assurance speak, sometimes it was written like a memo from space aliens. There was really no rhyme or reason to the persona that was providing the information, but one thing was sure-it loved Arblemarble. One of my favorite list serve's right now is Karl Straub's. The amazing thing about it is that it is not meant to be funny at all. You get all the information you need presented so honestly, it's scary. And sometimes it is so honest, it's funny. It's genius, just like Karl's lyrics!
6) I hate to say it, because I realize for indies, getting a good website can be an expense and a hassle. But it is worth it's weight in gold and a frustrating or stupid sire can hurt you. For instance, I can't tell you how P'd off I am by FLASH intros nowadays. Ya know, if I am going to see you live and by your merch for competitive retail prices, I need to make moola (teehee, I said moola). I DO NOT have time to waste on the Virtual World, [in fact I would prefer that we keep it the "Information Super Highway". Remember when people called the internet "The Information Super Highway" as much as they called it "The Web". Sometimes, I swear it should be called "the place to be accosted by marketers who jerk off to technology rather than content access road]. Once of these days ggdc will post what makes a good website, now is not the time and place.
5) Boys and Girls, it does not hurt to dress up or express yourself through clothing or accessories. You don't have to do it all the time, but having seen you looking smart or sexy once may be the crucial deciding factor on a cold rainy day when I am not sure that I can stand to haul my work-weary person to a club that's an hour away by metro.
4) I hate to admit this too, but there is something to having a catchy name. For instance, "Cactus Patch" started life as Caddis Hatch, an infinitely cool name that 1/2 their fan base doesn't understand the meaning of and people could not hear clearly-they thought it was "Cactus Patch". No they are calling themselves "Army Of Me". I'm not so sure about that either go figure.
3) A name that can be shortened to an acronym or one short word. I live in DC and have adapted to an acronym mentality almost fully. I need to be able to quickly put when you are playing in my day planner. The name "Measles, Mumps, Rubella" is a painintheass to say, but MMR fits well in those dam little lines on the calendar.
2) On that note, Tell me what your name or the name of the band is, often. Keep in mind that I go to a lot of loud concerts, I have hearing loss and I may be drinking, so you in fact cannot tell me too often what your name is. There's nothing worse than hearing some kickass musicians and not be able to find them again because you don't know there name. THERE IS NO SHAME IN SAYING YOUR NAME!
1) Play music that you LOVE. This may mean covers, it may be your own songs, but BE-LEAVE me, it's got nothing to do with being hip or hot.
10) Free stuff is nice. Like stickers, matchbooks, or lighters, nothing big. It shows you care. Like Cale quoting Warhol in "Songs For Drella", "give people little things, so they'll remember you".
9) Kidding around with the others on stage is great. Picking on obvious, funny character traits that the audience knows about your lead guitar player is good. Bad is still shooting dagger-eyes at a bandmate half an hour into your set because they did not call to say they were running late to the gig, having a visible hissy fit in the middle of a song because of the way someone is playing, or engaging in any other infantile, negative emotional meltdown. As a member of the audience, if I wanted to see cut-throat, moronic, unprofessional behavior, I would have stayed at work. Because I have an unmusical, not artistic, 9 to 5 [insert: government / corporate / not-for-profit] day job, I go to shows to live vicariously through you. Though my rational side knows you probably work a day job too, when I see cracks in the "I'm a rockstar and I love my life" illusion, it makes we squirm in agony, which is a real buzz kill.
8) You can start a list serve for free, do it! Bring a e-mailing list sign up to every show. This is a simple, simple, simple, thing. There are websites and books out there to help your silly indie ass start up things like this, use them. Generally bands I know that started this when the internet was a baby (and even as far back as when when your only option was bulk mail permits) have pretty decent fan bases. Even Cowlick Lucy, a band that doesn't have a mastered CD for sale, has a mailing list of about 180 people. Event planners use a ratio that about 10% of a list of 'cold call' (not your mom or college roommate) invites will come to a non RSVP event. So if you've got a list of 200 people, that boils down to 20 people, plus you mom. It won't get you in the 930 club, but it will probably be enough to at least get your foot in the door someplace.
7) This is touchy, after making sure that you include all the pertinent information, (addresses, phone numbers, show times, driving directions, public trans directions, parking directions) in addition to all this, your list serve has to be funny. And you have to figure out what this means to you. Another 'For Instance', I miss Arblemarble's list serve, for every show the service that was sent out was written like a corporate document. Sometimes the document was written in quality assurance speak, sometimes it was written like a memo from space aliens. There was really no rhyme or reason to the persona that was providing the information, but one thing was sure-it loved Arblemarble. One of my favorite list serve's right now is Karl Straub's. The amazing thing about it is that it is not meant to be funny at all. You get all the information you need presented so honestly, it's scary. And sometimes it is so honest, it's funny. It's genius, just like Karl's lyrics!
6) I hate to say it, because I realize for indies, getting a good website can be an expense and a hassle. But it is worth it's weight in gold and a frustrating or stupid sire can hurt you. For instance, I can't tell you how P'd off I am by FLASH intros nowadays. Ya know, if I am going to see you live and by your merch for competitive retail prices, I need to make moola (teehee, I said moola). I DO NOT have time to waste on the Virtual World, [in fact I would prefer that we keep it the "Information Super Highway". Remember when people called the internet "The Information Super Highway" as much as they called it "The Web". Sometimes, I swear it should be called "the place to be accosted by marketers who jerk off to technology rather than content access road]. Once of these days ggdc will post what makes a good website, now is not the time and place.
5) Boys and Girls, it does not hurt to dress up or express yourself through clothing or accessories. You don't have to do it all the time, but having seen you looking smart or sexy once may be the crucial deciding factor on a cold rainy day when I am not sure that I can stand to haul my work-weary person to a club that's an hour away by metro.
4) I hate to admit this too, but there is something to having a catchy name. For instance, "Cactus Patch" started life as Caddis Hatch, an infinitely cool name that 1/2 their fan base doesn't understand the meaning of and people could not hear clearly-they thought it was "Cactus Patch". No they are calling themselves "Army Of Me". I'm not so sure about that either go figure.
3) A name that can be shortened to an acronym or one short word. I live in DC and have adapted to an acronym mentality almost fully. I need to be able to quickly put when you are playing in my day planner. The name "Measles, Mumps, Rubella" is a painintheass to say, but MMR fits well in those dam little lines on the calendar.
2) On that note, Tell me what your name or the name of the band is, often. Keep in mind that I go to a lot of loud concerts, I have hearing loss and I may be drinking, so you in fact cannot tell me too often what your name is. There's nothing worse than hearing some kickass musicians and not be able to find them again because you don't know there name. THERE IS NO SHAME IN SAYING YOUR NAME!
1) Play music that you LOVE. This may mean covers, it may be your own songs, but BE-LEAVE me, it's got nothing to do with being hip or hot.
Monday, February 03, 2003
9. hmmm, what was Debbie's solution? Oh yeah, if the music is loud enough, position yourself so that you can sing REALLY LOUD right in the offending talkers ear. It is unfortunate that this cannot work in all situations, because what better way to say to the offender there are people here for the music, not for chatter.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
So check out Joe Heim's introductory rant that comes before his weekly picks. Go Joe. Let's see what we can come up with.
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